Back to Work

I knew that going back to work would be difficult but I guess I never realized how difficult it would. Years ago (before I started in my current career) I thought it would be great for me to be a stay at home mom (SAHM), I didn't think I would make enough money where it would be worth going to work instead of staying home with the little one(s).

But now I am a lot farther in my career than I ever thought I would be when I was first out of college and I actually really like what I am doing and with the money that I make it doesn't make sense for me to stay home, nor can I be a full time SAHM. I am in week 2 currently of full time work with Gabriella in daycare and it's almost harder this week than last week.


I am glad she is doing so well at Daycare and I know I am having much more of a problem with it than she is, but it's super hard to drop her off every morning and knowing that someone else is going to see her all day long. They are going to see her smile and have her coo at them and it's not me. I only get a few hours with her at night and as she gets older she will be going to sleep a little earlier and it will be even less time.

I am feeling guilty that I am having her in daycare and that she isn't home with Mike or myself. I keep wondering if I am doing the right thing. Logically I know I am because I was a daycare kid (along with others that I know) and I know how good it is for them. It's good for them to build the social skills at a young age, it helps in their development and I am not a great teacher (School stuff anyway) so she will learn SO SO much more at daycare then she will if I try to teach her. But in my heart it's hard to let it go.

I do know that I am enjoying the time I have with her a lot more than I think I did when I was on maternity leave with her. Since I know it's limited I enjoy all the cuddles, coos, smiles and even the cries and the poopy diapers. I know it will get better with time, but I am really looking forward to Thanksgiving break and the week and a half I am taking off at Christmas!