Parenting Consistently

As I sit here listening to Gabby cry and patiently waiting for her to go to bed I am thinking of how hard it is to actually be consistent when parenting. I think that Mike and I are pretty good, but there are times when I totally realize I am going back on what I said or giving into her just because it's easier.

We have had an easy baby when it comes to going to bed....usually we go through our routine: Brush teeth, change diaper, change into PJ's, milk, read stories and go to bed. The past few weeks she has thrown (because of me of course) into our routine rocking. It's not after reading stories she says goodnight to her sister and then  we rock. We rock and rock and rock and while we rock we sing. We sing ants go marching, twinkle little star and ABC's. Sometimes it's all three, sometimes just ants. Normally this isn't a problem, we do that (which I don't mind, it's not like she falls asleep while we do it) but lately it's that she (I think) is using it to stretch out her bedtime at night. Tonight it took us 40 minutes to get down.

Mike and I usually, when we are both home, switch off of going into her room and getting her down. Most people might not say that's consistent, but that's whats worked for us. She usually realizes that when Mike goes in there she can't get away with stuff. Tonight (at least so far) it was me.

After 4 trips of going in there every 10 minutes and having her want to be rocked, with us telling her no, and some of us (okay both of us the first two times) rocking her when we said we weren't going to (hence the title of this post), we think we have her down. The last time I went in there and was met with the typical "all done". She wanted out of the crib. I thought she might be hot, so I took off her shirt. This is how it went:

Gabby: "rock, rock, rock"
Mama: "No Gabby, we already rocked tonight, we can rock more tomorrow okay?" as I am setting her back in her crib
Gabby: crying "want out, want out".
Mama: "Gabby use your words and tell mama why you want out of your crib"
Gabby: Thinking.....thinking.....thinking..... (it was actually super cute, because you could tell she was thinking and trying to figure out what to say to get out of the crib)
Mama: "Gabby you don't have to sleep but I want you to sit down in your crib and have quiet time"
Gabby: "Shirt on" - I put her shirt on
Mama: "Gabby are you ready to go to bed and lay down?"
Gabby: "Bed" - She laid down, grabbed her chicken, asked me to fix her blanket and so far it's been 10 minutes and I haven't heard a peep out of her.

I am sure it was a fluke, but it really shows how you need to be consistent and stick to your guns. Even though these kids are only 2 years old (or sometimes younger) they sure know how to manipulate us and they are darn good at it.  I know this isn't our last struggle but at least it's one that we won - at least for these 12 minutes, we will see how long she stays down ;)

Sleep Battle

Yes I know...It's been a few months and I couldn't help myself. Another great post about sleeping. Seems like all I write about is sleep - or rather not sleeping! The past few weeks, maybe about the last month, we have not been sleeping because our little cuddlebug isn't sleeping. She was doing really good and going to be around 6:30 and sleeping until 5 or 6 in the morning. It was great for us. Mike and I got our alone time, got time to do other things before going to bed, and we got our sleep.

But then came the molars. The dreaded molars. Of course it wouldn't have been too bad, but she was getting 4 in at once. She has been working on at least 3 of them for the past few months but the past few weeks they broke through. She started waking up and wanting to nurse between midnight and 4am, I thought that once the teeth came through she would go back to STTN. Not so much! Then the ear infection came and we were back to not going to bed, waking up multiple times in the night. But now that the ear infection is gone she back to the one time a night. So Mike and I decided last night to go back to sleep training. It actually went a lot better than I thought it would. Here is what our night looked like

Crabby girl taking a bath at 6:00pm
Crabby girl nursing like she was starving (even though she had eaten dinner earlier) at 6:30pm
Cuddly little girl going to sleep - looking cute as a bug by 7:00pm.
3:00am - little one screaming to eat.
3:10am - Mike went up and changed her diaper. He said that she saw him and backed away from him in her crib - she knew she wasn't getting Mama's milk from him :) Smart girl.
3: 25am - Still screaming....I went up - she got all excited because she saw me and thought "Mama's Milk, I won". Little did she know that I was just going to pick her up, wipe her tears away & put her back in the crib. She screamed so loud I am sure the neighbors heard her.
3:35am - I was going to let her cry another 5 minutes and then go up there. she quieted down and didn't cry for 5 minutes. Our rule is that if she stops crying for 5 minutes or longer that we start the 10-15 minute clock over again. But what ended up happening was she would cry for 5 minutes, stop for 5 minutes, cry for 5 minutes, stop...you get the idea! Before we knew it she was sleeping like a baby - or rather just sleeping and so were we. I woke up at 6:30am and had to wake HER up! Sweet dreams!

So wish us luck for tonight!

Tuesday's Unwrapped - Sleep Part 2

Seems like that's all I write about - sleep, sleep, sleep :) But FINALLY it's actually going a lot better. I know a lot of people have told me this little piece of advice, but finally after talking with a good friend from work (Thanks Nicole!) we are finally getting more sleep at night.

I went on the baby whisperer forum site and one of the ladies told me that I was feeding my little one too much. I really had to think about this. It was really hard for me to tell if she was waking to nurse because she was hungry or because she was used to it. I really agonized over the decision to cut out a feeding. But my main goal was to get her down and make it so I could put her to sleep without a 3 hour battle every night, which was happening with the Pick Up/Put Down method I was doing from the baby whisperer. It wasn't helping her and it wasn't helping me.

So last week I decided on Wednesday night to do a little bit of CIO. So we started with 10 minutes, I had to, there was nothing getting her down and honestly, my parents were over and I didn't want to fight with her. So after 10 minutes I went in there picked her up (which I know with normal CIO you don't do), I soothed her and put her back down. She started crying again but after 5 minutes or less she had stopped crying and ended up sleeping until 1:30am. I couldn't believe it!! So far most of the week this is how it goes, if she doesn't nurse to sleep or isn't super tired she would cry for a little bit and then off to sleep. A few times she woke up at 10:30 and I just went in there and then put her back down again and she would sleep for another couple of hours. I am going to try to start taking out the 4:30 feeding next week and only getting up to feed her once during the night around her 1 to 2am wakeup.

So here is to better sleep for all.

Tuesday's Unwrapped - Sleeping

As I have wrote on here before sleep has been a struggle for us. When she was first born we thought we had a great sleeper and don't get me wrong she is s great sleeper at times. When she was an itty bitty she slept in her pack n play and would get up about every 2 to 3 hours.

When she was 2 months old we started to have trouble getting her to sleep anywhere but on us or in her swing. I have to admit the swing was awesome. She was STTN. From 11 to 7 every night for a month. Then slowly that stopped and we ended up moving her to her carseat. I thought for sure my kid was going to be going to college sleeping in a carseat.

A lot of our struggle with that was because she had an ear infection for 6 weeks. And it's hard to lay down with that. But eventually around month 7 we got her sleeping in get crib again. Gabby always did great going down, we NEVER had an issue putting her down once we did get her sleeping in her crib. Our struggle used to be getting her to stay asleep (and it still is partially that problem as well).

I have read many of the books, Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, Happiest Baby on the Block, The Baby Whisperer and I think a few others. We figured it out that CIO (Cry It Out) completely doesn't work for us, so that leaves out Health Sleep Habits Happy Child....and most of the books while we tried things, the methods just didn't completely work.

So I call this the Epp Family Sleep Method. I have decided that nursing her to sleep is okay, I don't have to change that, they do that at Daycare with a bottle and she does just fine with sleeping. We will keep doing our routine at night so she knows that she its time to sleep. But I have decided to try to cut out some of her comfort nursing. I think that will help us all get some sleep. We might have a few rough nights, but it will be worth it.

Sunday I started this - I know what you are thinking, am I crazy! what am I doing starting something like this on a Sunday, but I needed to.
Here was our schedule:
Bedtime - 8:00pm - We were out with my SIL, BIL & Niece at the zoo.
She slept until 10:15pm
1:30am - Finally fell back asleep (see below)
4:00am - Woke up to feed
5:00am - Woke up - I fed her, only because I didn't realize what time it was and was so exhausted.
7:15 - Woke her up to send her to daycare for Breakfast.

The few hours between 10:30 and 1:30 we fought back and forth about her going to sleep. The first hour was probably the worst, she screamed and screamed and I didn't think I could do it. I was in the room with her the entire time, she just wasn't understanding why I wasn't picking her up. I would ONLY pick her up if she sat up or stood up and cried in her crib, otherwise I just soothed her with singing and rubbing her back etc. I did finally end up taking her out of the crib and rocking her, but she was screaming even when I was doing that, we eventually got her calmed down and I put her down in her crib again. She did this thing where she would lay down, and start to fall asleep, and then 2 minutes later wake up screaming. Lay back down and repeat. Sometimes she would sit up and I would lay her back down with her lovey and her blanket.

Eventually we both fell asleep. I slept on her floor until 4am and then fed her, changed her and went into my own bed.

Night two was much better. We put her to bed (nursing her to sleep after a bath) around 7:15 or so, she woke up when some of our friends left but I just laid her back down and gave her lovey and she went right to sleep until 1:30am. It was a great night sleep. She then slept until 5am and I fed her both times. Right now I plan on just taking out one of her night feedings (the earlier one) and we will see how it goes...Stayed tuned for future Tuesday's Unwrapped and I will keep you all posted on our progress.

The Sleep Battle Continues

My facebook status' have been reduced to Battle Sleep updates....You know you are a mother when.

We were up at the lake this weekend and Cuddlebugs nap schedule was all messed up. Most of which is my fault. Okay, all of it was my fault but at least I recongize it right? That's step one in any problem solving method is to recongize that you have a problem. Normally Cuddlebug takes a morning nap from 9 to 10 and an afternoon nap from 12 to 2 (give or take a 1/2 hour here or there) and then sometimes from 4:30 to 5:30 on the way home from daycare. Saturday the morning nap was non existent, she just didn't take one, refused to go down. Normally in the past I was able to get her to sleep by nursing her around 9am and then she would fall asleep I would put her in her crib and she would sleep for an hour or so. we would repeat this for the afternoon nap. #1 mistake I made as a parent so far was not forcing her to nap by just putting her in her crib when she was 5months and up. I fully admit it (Again see above, admitting it is the first step in problem solving).

She fell asleep on the way home from the store and slept for a good hour and a half maybe 2 hours, so we did end up getting a good nap in the day, but it was more accidental than anything.

Saturday night came, and we had a whiny, wide awake 9 month old who wanted NOTHING to do with sleeping and I was without a rocking chair. I tried swaddling, I tried shhing', I tried walking, I tried letting her play and getting her tired out. nothing worked! So I decided, Screw waiting until next Friday (after her surgery) to start our sleep training, I was starting tonight. Battle Sleep was on!

I took my little angel into our room where her pack n play was and we started. I fed her once more (because by this time it had been 2 hours) and gave her blanket and her stuffed puppy (Her lovey's) and put her down in her crib and said "It's bed time, I love you and good night". Like I actually thought this was going to work. I had laid her on her side (because on her back just pisses her off more) and she rolls onto her belly and sits up and wails.

I pick her up, put her down and say it's bed time. Again I have a flopping fish on my hands and she is now pushing on the sides of the mesh to the pack n play trying to get to me because I am sitting outside of it on the floor.

She screams, I pick up, put down, say it's bed time.

Picture the above scenario for 1 hour! and I mean literally one hour of Pick up, Put down (PU/PD), every few seconds. I think I did 100 PU/PD's in that time. Which I read about in the Baby Whisperer Book. I have to say it is really working for us. there were times over the weekend where I didn't think it would work, but it has been!

She slept that night until 12:30 or so, which is pretty good for us. Granted she didn't go down until 9pm but still.

Sunday I decided to try it again with her nap. The cabin was empty since my IL's and Mike were out golfing and she didn't fall asleep when she ate. So into the room we went. I set the scene, read her a story, gave her, her blanket and puppy and put her in the pack n play and said it's nap time. Good night Love you.

This time it took a total of 20 to 30 minutes of PU/PD, but eventually she went down and she slept for 1 hour and 15 minutes, which is a good morning nap for her.

The afternoon nap was more accidental because we met the IL's in town and had lunch and she fell asleep on the way home, but she slept another hour and a half, so all in all had a great day of naps.

Sunday night however she won the sleep battle. I got her down in about an hour of PU/PD, it was tough but I just read my book in the dark and did pretty well. I wanted to give up, but I knew the alternative was just me staying up with her and she needed to sleep so I knew this was best for her.

about 30 or 40 minutes into her sleep (which is almost a baby cycle of sleep) she woke up. I did PU/PD and she was out again (Just one time). We did this on and off for about an hour but eventually she slept until about 12:30.  The rest of the night did not go well. I couldn't get her to go back down, I admit I gave up and brought her into bed with us, but she wouldn't sleep there either, so into her car seat we went. I know I should have stuck with it, but I didn't want to keep my IL's up. Note to self, don't sleep train when you are not at home, it's not condusive to getting it to work.

Monday naps were also not the greatest, but not horrible either. she slept about 30 minutes or so in the morning. I think my FIL (Bless his heart) woke her up without meaning too. But she did sleep about 2 hours on the car ride home from the lake.

Monday night we were in for another battle. She had been pretty crabby in the car on the way home after she woke up. She was warm, we were stuck in traffic, she didn't want to be in her seat any longer. I get her home, bath time, eat, wind down ,and she wants to play :) Of course she does, because now it's 7pm and it's past her bedtime, but she wants to play.

So we start PU/PD. Again this was about 1 hour maybe 70 minutes of PU/PD but you know what, it worked! She slept until 10:30. I went in at 10:30, did PU/PD and she was out for another 2 hours! That is probably the biggest improvement, was cutting out the nursing session at 10:30.

Last night (Tuesday night) was a different story. PU/PD after feeding and story was easy. I only had to do it 2 times and it was within 5 minutes. but 20 minutes later she was sitting up in her crib crying. Put the nuk back in, put her down and she was out. 30 minutes later same thing. we did this from 7 until 9. but at 9 it was the last time until 12:30. Yep she cut out the 10:30 feeding on her own. We were then up at 3:30 and 5:00 and at 5:00am we were up a few times, but each time I did PU/PD and at 6 she was ready to go for the day, but still not bad.

So far it's working,although with her surgery tomorrow I am not sure how tomorrow night will go, nor am I sure how tonight will go past 3am. I am setting my alarm for 2:30 because she can't have breastmilk past 3am so at least I can make sure she gets a feeding in. I might even wake her at 11 and feed her then too, but I haven't decided. if anyone can give me thoughts on this that would be great!

I have to say that it makes me feel better about what I am doing. I feel like I am not abandoning her to just let her cry (Because that doesn't work for me, but I know others and other kids that it works great for, all depends on the child) but that I am still being a parent and doing what's best for her. and what's best for her right now is to sleep and to learn to sleep on her own and in her own crib. I don't get good sleep when she is in bed with me and I can't imagine she does either.

So for this moment, at this specific time with her at this age, this is what works for us. I am sure it will change tomorrow or next week, but right now it's working and I hope it continues.

How to Sleep Train Your Baby

The one thing I have learned about being a parent is that you don't sleep. When they tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps you really should. I never did and I am really regretting that. It was difficult for me to take naps during the day, and now that I am working I wish I could...oh how I long for maternity leave again.

Regular readers of my blog know that we have been battling ear infections since the middle of January. Well after some good sleep last week, we had another awful few days and last night I was exhausted. I went down to my mom's yesterday to pick up the puppy after being gone for the weekend and I was starting to fall asleep. I broke my no pop & no caffeine rule last night and had some pop to keep me awake going home. So last night I decided that we were going to do some Sleep Training...

From what I read there are some different things you should do.

1. Let them cry it out for as long as it takes for them to fall asleep exhausted 

2. Don't let them cry it out at all and pick them up and rock them and soothe them.

3. Give them things in their crib so they feel secure.

4. Don't give them anything in their crib as they might suffocate on it.

5. Put them in a swing/car seat etc to help them sleep

6. Don't put them in anything but their crib to sleep.

I could go on and on...but you can see how it's confusing. A parent really gets their head spinning if they try to make sure they are doing the right thing. That on top of all the advice you get from family and friends. Which is great, because you really never know when something is going to work..so always good to have things to try, but it becomes overwhelming. So I decided to say screw it all and make up my own and figure out what works for us. So here it is!

The Epp Family Sleep Training Guide:

1. Kick your significant other out of the bed and downstairs or somewhere where they won't get annoyed. As much as I love my Husband he gets frustrated when he doesn't get his 8 hours of sleep. As helpful as he is with Peanut, I feel much more comfortable not worrying about his sleep too. 

2. Feed your little one and make bedtime a soothing time. We do a routine of Bath (if it's bath night), Change into PJ's, Put into the 1/2 swaddle (We are trying to break Peanut of the swaddle), Feed Peanut and let her eat as long as possible, Read a story. When done eating I try to slip in the pacifier so she thinks she is still eating.

3. Rock her to sleep and then put her into her car seat - we will be working on the crib after we can get a few hours of sleep in a row...and Pray to the Gods above she doesn't wake up in the transfer....

4. Cross your fingers and leave the room and hope she stays asleep.

For us this usually works - at least when I do it. I love my husband, but he hasn't mastered the art of putting a sleeping baby from arms into her car seat. I could write an entire post just on that! It's an skill that has to be mastered and it does take time. All you mothers out there know what I am talking about.

Last night we did the above and it worked for about a 1 hour. Until Peanut woke up with a wet diaper, so I had to repeat the process over again. Plus at this time she was hungry again. I have a grazer I think. 

So I did the process above, but when I it was done this time it had to be modified a bit because she woke up and I was not able to complete step 4. So if that happens follow the steps below.

If baby does not stay asleep: 
1. Leave baby in crib/carseat/swing whatever your choice of "bed" is...

2. Give baby pacifier. Peanut fights it sometimes - likes to blow raspberries in my face but in the end I KNOW that she will sleep longer with a pacifier than without, she just sometimes doesn't know it.

3. Place a hand on her stomach/chest and making a loud shhing noise. At first when I used to try this, it never worked. she would get more agitated and pretty much say "Yeah Right mom! you want me to do what?" but for some reason the last few times I have tried this it worked. So for now we are going with it.
4. Do step #3 until the baby falls asleep and quietly sneak out of the room. and Go back to step 4 Above..

Repeat this as many times. I let her cry for about 5 minutes before going in and doing anything because there are times when she does the "I am going to cry out to see if anyone is listening" cry or she is having a nightmare and just making noises in her sleep.

Last night we did this and we went from waking up every hour to 2 hours to every 3 to 3 1/2 hours....she was seriously hungry and/or needed a diaper change when we woke up each time. Except for the first hour when we had to do the 2nd group of steps to get her back to sleep.

All joking aside, it's amazing what we parents to do - both mom's and dads to get our kids to sleep. What's more amazing is the look on people's faces when I tell them that she isn't sleeping through the night. Like because I can't get my child to sleep through the night I am some how depriving them of a great childhood. That I am some how a bad parent because my kid sleeps in her crib in her car seat...I mean really? Another thing that people need to realize is that what works for one child may not/will not work for another child....

For us, the Epp family. We are not going to be forcing solids/oatmeal/puree's of any sort down Peanut's throat just to make her sleep longer. I am not worried that my child will never sleep in her crib just because she is sleeping in her carseat right now. I am not worried that she is still swaddled even 1/2 way because the way I figure it as long as she is out of her swaddle and carseat by the time she goes to college we will be good to go.

Each family is different and my whole point of this entire long drawn out post is the fact that we are all different. That's what makes this world unique. What some people do with their children is none of my business and while I may not agree with it, it's what works for them. Just like for us we are a table food, baby led, car seat sleeping, rear facing for as long as possible, breastfeeding past a year family. It's what we do. We need to stop judging parents and mothers in particular and celebrating the uniqueness of it all! 

Baby Steps

Well on Day Two of our new sleeping arrangements we have made some progress. The "nest" (rolled up sheet under her crib) is working really well, I really think that it's keeping her secure in that big crib and I know that when she gets used to sleeping in there we can eventually get rid of that.

But I really don't think that at this time we need to do the CIO. I am going to not jump right away when she cries because the past couple of nights she has been fussing a little but then goes right back to sleep. so I just leave her be for a little while and see if she puts herself back to sleep. Eventually we will have to get rid of the swaddle but I will do that after she gets used to the crib.

The past two nights she has been going to be around 7pm and then she is sleeping until 11 or midnight and waking up hungry and needing her diaper changed. She then goes down 20 to 30 minutes later and is asleep until about 2 or 3 in the morning and then again needs to eat. so I really think that she is going through a growth spurt. She is eating about 16 to 18oz of milk at daycare - I am actually starting to have a bit of problems keeping up with her appetite. Yesterday I pumped 20oz but I had to send 4 of that with her yesterday so then this morning I was short again. I think I am going to have to start putting a pump in at night - especially since she is going to be at 7 instead of later and that I am feeding her an extra session in the middle of the night.

All a learning process - once we get something to work, she will change again and we will have to try something new. Always something :)

Sleeping through the night - oh how I miss thee!

People warned me that having a baby would change my life and I wouldn't get the same amount of sleep I had before....but honestly nothing can prepare you for the lack of sleep that becomes your life after a little one is born. and those out there with more than one child or twins - my hats are off to you!!

Don't get me wrong - I am getting WAY more sleep than I was when she was first born, but I have to say the little stinker spoiled me in October and a little bit in November with her sleeping through the night. Almost all of October she was doing a great job and sleeping in her swing from about 8 or so until 6am. it was so nice!

Nap time at 2 months old

Since she is almost 5 months old and getting a lot bigger I don't feel safe/comfortable having her sleep in her swing all night. she is a little wiggler and I don't want her to hurt herself, not that I really think she could. and just a note when she slept in her swing all night it wasn't moving. So we started moving her to her crib. We are still swaddling her and we had some really good nights where she would sleep from 8 or so until 2 or 3 in the morning and then I would feed her, change her and get her back down and wake her up at 7 to get her ready for the day. I actually didn't mind getting up at 3am, it was late enough in the morning where I could get some good rest from when I went to bed at 10 or 11 and it was early enough where I could get back to sleep after putting her down and get a few more hours before getting up at 6 or 7 to start my day. However this past few weeks haven't been the greatest. I am hoping that it's because of a few things. 1. I think she is teething so that is helping her not sleep the best 2. The holidays were the worst for her routine and since they are now over I am hoping that she will get back into her routine better and thus sleep better at night and 3. She is sick has a bit of a cough and 4. I think she might have started a growth spurt.

This presents challenges. So with the advice of many online friends and friends IRL (In real life) I have done a few things.
1. Created a Nest - No I didn't go out and get a bunch of twigs and branches. I rolled up a sheet, folded it in a U shape and put it under her crib sheet to give her a little "nest" to feel a little more secure in her crib and make her crib not feel so large. They do this in the NICU so I figure it can't hurt. She is still swaddled.

2. I put an open weave blanket (Thanks Sarah!) over her legs to keep her warm but yet feel secure

3. I am not going to rush up there at the first sign of crying like I normally do. This will probably be the hardest on me, but I really have to let her soothe herself. Now if it's 2am or something and she hasn't eaten since I put her down, then I will go in there and feed her and get her back down, but if it's been only a little while then I am going to let her cry for a bit. (5 minutes or so). Not sure if we are going to start that tonight or not. She has been down for 45 minutes so we will see how long she goes before she wakes up....and then I will decide if tonight's the night I want to do it.

4. I have let Daycare know that she can only sleep in her crib. for awhile they were putting her in a bouncer and stuff, so by them doing that I am sure it will help. Luckily she has a pretty consistent nap schedule there so that will help me with keeping a routine here at home at night.

5. Keep her bedtime routine the same (around the same time, between 7 and 8, no later than 9) every night - with the exception of a bath and that will be every other night or every 3 nights. and hopefully that will help her to know that it's going to be the same and she will be safe in her crib.

So that's my plan, I am going to try my hardest to be consistent....wish us luck!