I want to note before I get into this blog post that no matter what people choose to do it's what works for them, neither way is wrong/better etc.
All throughout my life I always thought that I would be okay with working and having a family. I grew up with a working mother and she showed me that it can be done. She went to school, worked, took care of her mother, myself and my dad and the house. I honestly don't know how she did it (Thanks mom! You were great!!), but she did it. She was a great role model. My grandmother also worked outside the home as well and raised 7 children.
Throughout my college career I never thought that I would want to be a Stay at Home Mom. Why would I want to stay home with my kids when I could have a career as well. However now that I am in the actual place of having to decide if I want to be a SAHM (Stay at home mom) or a working mother, I am starting to resent the fact that I HAVE to work. I hate the fact that I have to drop her off at daycare and leave her in someone else's hands all day long. I hate the fact that they get to see her smile all day and all I have is pictures. I know that I truly couldn't be a full time SAHM, but I just wish I could do it part time. I know that daycare helps her socialize and learn some news skills that she wouldn't learn while home with me, however I really wish I could be with her.
How do women balance keeping up the house, taking care of their children, maintaining a healthy relationship with their partner and finding time for themselves. Something has to give and I have been finding that for me what's giving in is the time for myself and also the time with my husband. An example of that is Wednesday night we were both home. I was spending time with the little one, while trying to clean up the house, decorate the house (so I could put the xmas boxes away). Mike was also cleaning upstairs the entire time and we kept crossing paths. When we got her down to sleep we finally had time for each other, but by then we were both totally exhausted that we just crashed out on the couch and watched TV.
Don't get me wrong I LOVE LOVE being a mother, but to balance all this is just crazy. It wouldn't be so bad if there were another 5 hours or so in the day, but to try to get a good nights sleep, and get all this other stuff done is so difficult. I applaud all the SAHM's and the Working Mom's because I know that each of them have their own set of challenges, they are just different challenges. and who knows maybe I would be feeling the same thing if I was a SAHM. They do say the grass is always greener on the other side - or at least that's our perception of things, when I know in reality it isn't that way. I think I just need to get more efficient with the time that I do have, so that when Mike and I are alone together or I am with Gabby I can enjoy the time with them, rather than having to focus on other things.
For all the BTDT (Been there, Done that) Mom's and Dad's out there reading this if you have any tips I would sure appreciate them.
How long
8 years ago
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4 comments:
I'm obviously not BTDT yet, but I think one issue is the lack of a long enough maternity leave in the US. It sucks that many parents have to go back to work so early after having a child! That certainly doesn't make things easier. I'm very thankful that, in Canada, we can take up to a year.
Hang in there - I'm sure it takes time to get everything balanced out. (((hugs)))
After the twins were born I was so ready to go back to work. Like I couldn't imagine NOT doing it. I worked all through my horrible pregnancy with Judah and then I had 15 weeks off for maternity leave. About 2 weeks in I said I wasn't ever going back. We compromised and said I'd go back until January 1st which has now been pushed off until our nanny gets a CNA job she's happy with (what can I say- I love her and she's great with the boys and I don't want to leave her hanging). I can't ever get these young years back and although I know in my bones it's going to be way harder to be home day in and day out with three kids 2 and under, I don't want to miss any more than I already have. So I suppose I've sort of BTDT. I've worked and not worked and they both have pros and cons. I didn't ever think I want to be a SAHM, but I do.
Thanks ladies. I am starting to feel better about it...It still sucks, but there isn't anything I can do now, so I just have to deal with it and make the time I have with her count and be quality time.
My mother used to tell me that the housework will always be there but that the kids grow so fast you don't want to miss that. It's adjustment when they go to daycare and it is harder on you then it is on them. If you think about it they are napping a good portion of the day and eating and then the socializing. So if you think about it you won't need to worry about so many playdates since she is already getting that every day. You did a lot of research and found a great place for her to spend her days. I can't give you what it would be like to be a stay at home mom, wasn't a possibility when you were small and I took a lot of heat for not staying home but you enjoyed going to daycare and were able to do things that I could not have provided at the time had I not been working.
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